Back Where I Come From

2003-09-10T22:22:00.000-07:00

''I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all. ''

2003-09-10T12:15:00.000-07:00

Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust
A little less time for the rest of the world
And more for the two of us
Kisses each morning, I love you's at night
Just like it used to be
The way life was when you were in love with me

~Rodney Atkins: Honesty

2003-07-07T08:20:00.000-07:00

How is it that things are always easier to see on the outside? It’s always easier to give advice than to apply others’ guidance to your life. I mean you think that something is a certain way and you feel a certain way about it, but if other people can open your eyes and mention things in a different perspective, do you really feel the way you think you did? Or do you just feel a certain way because it’s more convenient? Your attitude determines your living. Should you try to fight for the feelings that make you vulnerable, even if you are uncertain that your efforts will be acknowledged and given back in return? Or should you succumb to the fact that you have possibly made things seem what they are not and that your efforts are meaningless? When someone can sit there and tell you what all they have experienced and it makes you suddenly question that you don’t know anything, do you? Or what if what you know is something so rare and wonderful that it’s not worth even explaining and that you should cherish the fact you are a lucky person to know what you do…
I like to think that I know something different and that not everyone is lucky enough to find it in their lifetime. If it is questioned many times over, and you can still come to the same conclusion, it has to mean something. Everyone has doubts about things they are almost sure of, but when the doubts are no longer questioned and your feelings remain the same underneath it all, then maybe you DO know something. It’s up to you not to take things for granted…

2003-06-12T11:48:00.000-07:00

Theres something that i cant quite explain
i'm so in love with you
youll never take that away
and if i said a hundred times before
expect a thousand more
you never take that away
well expect me to be
calling you to see
if your ok when i'm not around
asking if you love me
i love the way you make it sound
calling you to see
do i try to hard to make you smile
to make a smile

and i will be calling you to see
if your sleepin are you dreamin
if your dreamin are you dreamin of me
i cant believe
you actually picked...me
i thought that the world had lost its sway
(its so hard sometimes)
then i fell in love with you
(then came you)
and you took that way
(its not so difficult)
you take away the old
show me the new
and i feel like i can fly
when i stand next to you
so what if on this phone
a hundred miles from home
i take the words you gave
and send them back to you

i only want to see
if your ok when i'm not around
asking if you love me
i love the way you make it sound
calling you to see
do i try to hard to make you smile
to make a smile
and i will be calling you to see
if your sleepin are you dreamin
if your dreamin are you dreamin of me
i cant believe
you actually picked...me

well i will be calling you to see
if your sleepin are you dreamin
if your dreamin are you dreamin of me
i cant believe
you actually picked...me

i will be calling you to see
if your sleepin are you dreamin
if your dreamin are you dreamin of me
i cant believe
you actually picked...me

~Blue October- Calling you

2003-05-18T20:25:00.000-07:00

So I'm all moved in and finally unpacked! Such a great feeling... I haven't really been up to much lately, just stopping in and saying hello to old friends and chit-chatting and stuff. I should start working next week, but I'm still waiting to hear from my boss as to when he wants me to start work. It's been soooo nice not having to worry about school or anything for this past week. My freshman year is completley over with! It's so hard to believe that ANOTHER year has gone by. But yeah, I don't really have a lot to say... I'm home for the summer and I'm glad. We'll see how long I keep up with this thing...

2003-05-09T07:43:00.000-07:00

In your arms I can still feel the way you
want me when you hold me
I can still hear the words you whispered
when you told me
I can stay right here forever in your arms

And there ain't no way--
I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't no way--
and there ain't no how
I'll never see that day....

'Cause I'm keeping you
forever and for always
We will be together all of our day
Wanna wake up every
morning to your sweet face--always

Mmmm, baby
In your heart--I can still hear
a beat for every time you kiss me
And when we're apart,
I know how much you miss me
I can feel your love for me in your heart

And there ain't no way--
I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't now way--
and there ain't no how
I'll never see that day....

I wanna wake up every morning

In your eyes--
I can still see the look of the one who really loves me
The one who wouldn't put anything else in the world above me
I can still see love for me in your eyes

And there ain't no way--
I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't no way--
and there ain't no how
I'll never see that day....

I'm keeping you forever and for always
I'm in your arms

2003-05-07T12:42:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know I am supposed to be studying for my finals, right? The thing is, well... ok so I don't have a good excuse for procrastinating. I just realized that I hardly ever write in this. I mean, I was pretty good about it at first, but here lately it's a once a week type thing. Ah well... I have been pretty busy lately actually. Some of my friends got a house here in town and we have been over there like everyday since then. It's a good change of scenery, and very nice to get out of the dorms. It's also been great not having classes, wow. Just to know that I'm still up here, no classes, no parents or other major obligations... what a great feeling. It’s like I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I am also in the process of packing up my room. I know I complain about these damn dorms all the time, but you know what? It's kind of sad as I put all my belongings away and take things down. Why you ask? I couldn't really tell you. I think it's just because of the many good memories that I have made here these past two semesters, and the fact that I'll be closing another door in my life to open a new, unfamiliar door next semester moving into my apartment. Oh well, right? "The easiest thing in the world would be to repeat the same equations that worked for us in the past, but with repetition would come demise."
I suppose I have intentionally distracted myself for enough time at the moment. I should really get back to studying for Chemistry on Friday. Good luck to everyone who is taking finals this week and next. To the class of 2002… we made it through our first year already! Can you believe it!?! Study hard and I’ll see you guys this summer, and to my Friends at Tech… see you in the fall! Be well…

2003-04-29T21:21:00.000-07:00

So I was thinking it's been a while since I have written in this thing. Not too many exciting things going on, just the same ‘ol... you know how that goes. Lately I have just been thinking about summer plans, and winding down the school year. As of today (or tonight rather) I have 4 more days of school left- yaaay! I only have to take 3 finals too, so I'm pretty excited about that. My parents told me today that we are going to be taking a trip to the Caribbean in the beginning of August, so that practically made my day :) I haven't really been on a real trip since Cancun for my Sr trip, so I have this to look forward to all summer now!
I finally for registered for Summer school at good 'ol TC yesterday. I will be going to school everyday of the week except for Friday, and working everyday and every other Saturday for sure as well, so yeah... I won't have a whole lot of free time this summer :( Oh well, I would rather be too busy than have nothing to do and be bored off my ass. I have had summers like that... where you just sit around and have absolutely nothing to do. Trust me, not a good thing when you are actually looking forward to going back to school! I doubt very seriously that will be the case for me this summer.
So that's pretty much what has been on my mind the past couple of days…just getting things in order for school to end and packing up to move back home for a few months. I'm really ready to get out of here. Not because I don't like it here, it's not that at all. I just miss home still and it doesn't help when you live in the dorms. I have already bitched about that in another entry, so I won't go there again. I will defiantly miss many things about Lubbock though, especially one person in particular.
Well that’s all I have for now I suppose. I need to get some sleep because I need to make my Chemistry class tomorrow morning that I have failed to go to in about a week now. Yeah yeah, I know… I need to go to class, but trust me… if you were in my situation you probably wouldn’t go either. I have basically given up in that class. I mean I bust my ass, go to tutoring, study for endless hours for a test and make the same grade when I only study for an hour or so. So yeah, all that is left is the final exam in there and I’m just thinking I’m going to wing it. I mean I’ll study, yeah, but not like I did for the last test. Screw that. All righty, enough venting! Goodnight!

2003-04-17T00:40:00.000-07:00

There oughta be a town somewhere named for how I feel, yeah I could be the mayor down there & say welcome to sorryville. It wouldn't be on a map nowhere, you might say that it don't exist, but if you make enough wrong turns It'd be hard to miss. There oughta be a bridge somewhere they could dedicate to me. I'd probably come to the ceremony with a can of gasoline. Walk on over to the other side and there I'd light a match, sit and stare though the smoke & flames wondering how I'm gonna get back. Why do I do the things I do? Was I born this way, am I a self-made fool? I shoot the lights and I curse the dark. I need your love, but I break your heart. Not knowing the words that will bring you back, but I don't say nothing as I watch you pack. I've had to work to be the jerk I've come to be. It ain't easy being me...

2003-04-14T22:14:00.000-07:00

Hey all! Today has been one of those intense study days for me. The good news is that I think I am ready for my tests and I should make some damn good grades when I take them! I am so very relieved to know that Chemistry is making sense to me know, since three weeks ago I had not the slightest clue what the heck my professor was talking about. The main thing is that I make the grades. A HUGE thank you to those who are praying for me, that means a lot :)

So I was trying to think of something interesting or insightful to put in my blog today, since all I ever write about is the basic same 'ol same 'ol. Something that I have noticed in my two semesters of being a college student, especially now that I have had to study for so many tests, is that there is a lot of material in which we learn that we are not tested over. I know you are thinking, "no shit Jamie, that's part of how classes go," but hear me out... You learn what you are supposed to for the tests, and most of it is forgotten in time after you are tested over it because you were forced to learn it, and it's just boring, standard material. However, the things that stand out in my mind the most about my studies are the things that I have not been tested over. Sometimes when you know you don't HAVE to learn material, but just listen and absorb it because it's interesting to you personally, you absorb all kinds of insightful knowledge and become enlightened in a whole different manner. Take for example my Sociology class. Yeah I have studied for endless hours memorizing stupid facts, typical vocabulary terms, and common sense type information, but I have learned that there is way more to society than facts and material that we have to regurgitate for tests. I can't give you one specific example of what I am talking about, but that's not my point. For those of you who are in college, is that not true? For those of you who have yet to sit through your 1st semester of college classes remember what I have said and you will find this to be factual. We are paying for our education to get various types of degrees when we graduate yes, but for some of us we are also here to broaden our perspective on life and to grow into intellectual human beings, and that my friends, is what college is all about.

2003-04-13T20:27:00.000-07:00

The concert was awesome! It was probably one of the best ones I have ever attended in my life, atmosphere wise, company wise, and just the overall concert part itself. We all had a great time and this whole weekend was just a good weekend for me. Not for any one big or particular reason, just a lot of little reasons that made it so good :). So now that the weekend is over, I am faced with one hell of a week :( I have two Sociology exams (one Tuesday and one Thursday) and an even more dreaded Chemistry exam on Wednesday. On the flip side of the test situation, I'm going home this weekend for Easter and will get to see my family. Basically, after this week, there is nothing to really fret about until finals. I guess it might be better this way, who knows? I am really looking forward to going home the more I think about it, but I know after the first week or so at home I will want to come back and be with everyone I know up here. I'm also excited to move into my apartment and out of the dorms yaaaay! I don't know how much more of this I could have taken. I mean having all of the ammenities (for a lack of a better word) thrown in a 13 or so foot room and shared with another person is basically insane. All righty well that's it for now guys and gals. I'm off to bed because I have some sleeping to catch up on! Night...

2003-04-10T21:03:00.000-07:00

So today has been a really long day! There are some days where I have absolutley nothing to do, and then there are days like today. I knew I had a couple of things to take care of, but one thing led to another and pretty soon I have a huge list of things to do for next week (because let's face it, if it's not done before the weekend gets here, it won't get done). I finally changed my major for all of those who I haven't talked to in the past 48 hours. I am no longer pre- physical therapy, but pre- nursing. I'm very excted about it. I know that sounds gay, but I really am! I mean before last week or so, I was really confused as to what direction my life was heading, and that, let me tell you, is a very frustrating feeling! So now I know what I will be doing, WHEW. Now if I can just make the grades it will be all gravy. So what else is new you ask? Sadly, not too much, lol. That's why I probably won't write in this everyday. I don't even know who all reads this, so for those of you who I talk to everyday or close to it, I'm sorry I don't have any new information to talk about, but for those of you who I don't really talk to that often, you can keep up with what's going on with me and this is all news to you. I'm sure if you just wait for another weekend I can tell ya some funny or interesting stories.
Grrrr...I told myself that I was going to get to bed tonight before 10:00, but you know what? My clock says it's 11:08 and guess what have I still not done? That's right, I haven't studied for my Trig Quiz tomorrow! I'm glad that I understand what we are doing in there, otherwise I would be screwed. All right well I guess I should do that before it gets to be even later...

2003-04-08T16:15:00.000-07:00

Ok as some of you may know, it took me just about forever to think of a title for this blog. I narrowed it down to two songs (one being this one) and the other "Wish you were here." I concluded that since this weekend is the Kenny Chesney concert (who hoo!) and this song reminds me of back home and all of the good times I have had there, that this would make a good title. So last weekend was my gradparents 50th anniversary. They thought that we were just having a family luncheon at the Roofing Company and that my uncles from Manhattan and San Fransisco were going to be there, so they were all excited about that. When we all got there and had our planned activities and things, all of the sudden this huge bus pulls up. So we go outside with them, seemingly oblivious to what's going on, and then my dad tells his mom that we are going to San Antonio. They were so shocked and didn't know what to say! So about all 20 of my cloeset family members (yeah my dad's side of the family is huge) pile in the limo bus... yeah I said LIMO bus. This thing was decked out let me tell you. Wooden polished floors, mirrored ceilings, leather couches for seats, a card table, and two t.v.s just to name a few ammenties. After we got to San Antonio we all went to the needle tower that takes about an hour to do a complete rotation and looked at the town from a bird's eye view. After that we went to the Alamo, and ate dinner on the river. We rented one of those boats and actually got to eat dinner on it! It was one of the coolest things I have ever done. It was probably one of the most romantic settings I have ever seen in real life, too bad I was with my family..lol. So that was my weekend pretty much. It's aways good to see my family, because we are spread out all over for the most part and to have all of us in one bus for a couple of hours really makes you apprecate one another all over again. I also learned so much about my grandparents that I never knew! I mean it's not like they were hiding it or anything like that, but just all of the things that happened before I was born and hearing my dad and his siblings talk about old times was really cool. I saw my grandmother cry for the first time in my life. She is propably one of the most awesome people I know. She has battled for her life in the past and is still such an emotionally and physically stong person. I mean, she didn't even cry at her own mother's funeral or when she was about to die 5 years ago from cancer. She is the person that comforts everyone and is definatley the backbone of our family. So the fact that we saw her cry this weekend was somthing that meant a lot to everyone who was a part of it. So onto next week. This weekend, as I mentioned eariler, is the Kenny Chesney concert. I'm really excited about going. I have never seen him before in concert, and from what I hear he puts on a pretty good show. Seeing him from the 3rd row is going to be something all in it's own though! So even as boring as classes are, if I can sit through this week think about the weekend, then I'll be all right. I don't have any tests this week, thank God. Well for the moment, that is all I can think of to write about. I'll try to keep up with this thing as much as I can, because you know I can always find some time to kill on my darned computer. I swear, I can look up a website that has these stupid games or things to do on it and then look back up at the clock and an hour of the day is gone... it pisses me off. Oh and if you are wondering what one of those sites are why don't you check out this one: www.homestarrunner.com thanks to my cousin Kristen I find myself cracking up when I'm sitting here in my room looking at the strongbad emails. (just kidding Kristen, I love you!) you will either think it's totally hilarious or just plain stupid. I dunno, my humor is stupid a lot of times so I am amused by stupid things. All right then, I guess that's it for now. I need to run some errands before I do something tonight. Oh and yeah, today is 6 months ;)